I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
