I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
