Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's always time for handjobs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
