so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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