you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
