idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize