I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
