I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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