I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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