Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
