he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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