She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
