Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
