But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
