I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
