I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish you could order shots online.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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