There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
