man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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