why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
