Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
