Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
