Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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