Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
