Your face is a jimmy john
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
