I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
