my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize