Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
