I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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