You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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