Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drake has all the answers
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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