return my video game
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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