and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The Olympian is in my bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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