What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
