i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
