Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
