Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
