I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
