I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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