yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
