I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
try to milk me bitch
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