I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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