All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
