I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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