his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
