I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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