he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
