you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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