did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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