If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cut my penus on the lid.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
