this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
