apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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