i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize