I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
