I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
