That's intense
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
