tell your sister to shave her snatch
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
