I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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