so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
