the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
