I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
