I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
