Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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